The Darkness Gathers

It’s odd, how comfort, time and absence can make you forget things. Especially important things. Life-and-Death type things.
A friend of mine has an “Idiopathic” (meaning they can’t tell him why he’s got it or when it will or won’t strike) condition and, because it’s not something he deals with regularly, not only does he forget how sick it can make him, he forgets he even has it. Consequently, when he does have an attack, he forgets he’s lived through it just fine before and is convinced, this time, it’s going to kill him. But this isn’t his story.
Over eight years ago I was diagnosed as clinically depressed. Yeah, cliche these days, I know. It seems like three out of four people you talk to is on one or more of Zoloft, Paxil or Welbutrin. And some of these drugs really do work for some people. That is, if you take them. Which can only happen if you can pay for them. Aye, there’s the rub.
In 1961, the year I was born (maybe it was prophetic?) Joseph Heller got his first novel, “Catch-22” published, here’s an excerpt;

There was only one catch and that was Catch-22, which specified that a concern for one's safety in the face of dangers that were real and immediate was the process of a rational mind. Orr was crazy and could be grounded. All he had to do was ask; and as soon as he did, he would no longer be crazy and would have to fly more missions. Orr would be crazy to fly more missions and sane if he didn't, but if he was sane he had to fly them. If he flew them he was crazy and didn't have to; but if he didn't want to he was sane and had to. Yossarian was moved very deeply by the absolute simplicity of this clause of Catch-22 and let out a respectful whistle.
"That's some catch, that Catch-22," he observed.
"It's the best there is," Doc Daneeka agreed.

“Catch-22” has become part of the American vocabulary because of that book. And damn, has our society got a lot of them!
There is virtually no public mental health system in this country. There are crisis intervention hotlines, but they’re manned by volunteers and otherwise subsidized by corporate donations. So they’ll keep you from killing yourself but not treat you so you no longer want to. Depression is a debilitating disease that leaves many of it’s victims, if untreated, unable to work. No job=no insurance, no money to pay for the treatment that would allow them to hold a job. “Catch-22.”

Keeping Track

There have been shows I’ve performed in where I’ve kept a journal, rather a log, from the first day of rehearsal. I recently discovered that my last Director kept a blog (the 21st century equivalent) of the shoot I did with him. I was both surprised and ashamed. It reminded me of how much I used to enjoy doing that and how much I learned about my craft from writing about my experiences in it.
My problem is, well, one of them anyway, that I think too much. Perhaps it's my actor training-everything has to be properly learned, directed and then rehearsed, therefore everything I write has to be properly written, edited and then rewritten. No wonder Mary Poppins got pissed at being called "practically perfect in every way." It's exhausting!