Breaking My Silence

A lot of people think I tend to live life on a 'grand' scale in the sense of melodrama and heightened emotion. Those who know the intimate details of my past and present life though, would attest that I could go a lot higher and still be presenting myself honestly and perhaps even modestly. Nonetheless, for a while now, I have lived in fear of being perceived as a 'drama queen' so I just don't talk about things. Since I've asked people for their emotional and spiritual assistance over the past week though, I feel obligated to explain.

Like most people, over the past few years I've just been 'scraping by' financially. Occasionally having to do the old trick of paying a bill with an unsigned check to give myself enough time to come up with money before the company got back to me. Then, last Fall, a series of financial tragedies began that pretty much sent me "down the Rabbit hole" with no way back. Of course, it was a domino effect; no money-no car, no car-no job, no job-deeper into debt and, as of 7/1/09, homeless.

By the way, if you're in Seattle, I'm selling; a four-poster, Queen sized (no jokes please) 'Paul Bunyan' bed, four natural-finish oak folding bookshelves (2 3-shelves, 2 4-shelves), a roll-top chestnut stained oak 'Secretary' desk & chair. Hope to have pics & listings online here & Craigslist by this evening.

Now, I don't really fear homelessness. Enough people have very generously volunteered to let me 'couch surf' in their homes till I land on my feet that I wouldn't burn out my welcome at any one place-and even if I wound up living out of my car (some, if not most, folks have roommates that prevent them from inviting me with my dog into their homes) I know I could stop by and use a friend's shower here and there. It's a fairly depressing prospect but I would survive it. However, this past Monday I got to audition for a fairly large supporting role in the next John Carpenter film. The rate of pay would not only stave off homelessness, it would actually give me a month or so of breathing room. I was called back on Tuesday. I felt like I 'nailed' it but I haven't heard anything from my agent and they start filming July 27th. There's still time and I have to believe and beg everyone out there to believe and pray that I get it. Then, on Wednesday, I was told I had an audition down in Portland the next day for the TNT cable channel drama 'Leverage' with Timothy Hutton. Again, a large supporting (though only one episode) role. I went to the audition, got called back later in the day and again, feel like I nailed it. Not to be derivative or show my age but I want these gigs, I NEED these gigs, God I have to GET these gigs.

Yes, there are 'day jobs' out there but the truth is, I don't have a lot of 'day job' skills. I had been working at one for the past two years but, when I was without my car (thanks to yet another tragedy) from mid-May till yesterday, the company simply had no choice but to replace me. And as for taking non-skilled labor positions, they tend not to hire 47-year-olds with college degrees because they tend not to do well under the authority of teens and early twenty-somethings with acne.

Getting these gigs would be both life-changing and life-saving.

So that's it for now, I'll let you know as soon as I hear something else. Thank you all, so very, very much for your kind thoughts and prayers, they are really appreciated.